Wars

[sineG yuG lareneG]

King Vulcan

An old but bulky Monty Mole, this proud and violent leader holds age-old grudges against all surface-dwellers believing that his ancestors were once the rulers of the surface. Though many of his subjects have come from the surface, he sees them as his brethren rather than enemies, as they'd die fighting for their wish.

Despite his status as king, he charges head-first into battle without considering the consequences of his actions and prefers to settle disputes with violence. Vulcan prefers large hand-to-hand combat weapons.

Active Abilities

Eruption (20 Days) Vulcan can burst through the ground with his spear, sending terrain flying towards foes.

Tremor (20 Days) Though he may not be large, he can stomp down and cause a slight tremor to knock over enemies nearby. His own troops are use to his fits of rage, so they aren't affected.

Passive Abilities

Mineral Bath (20 Days) The soothing scent of the earth... When underground, Vulcan slowly restores strength.

Inventory

Gaebolg: This greatly improves his digging speed.

Fragarach: It's a big 'ol sword with a fancy name. Pretty good for crushing things.

Thermite: Chomps make a pretty good weapon. He can use him like a grappling hook, a shield, a wrecking ball... pretty much anything that won't kill him.

Minister Werman


The cunning strategist behind the army, Werman doesn't care about Vulcan's foolish ideals but seeks to use the army to rise to power. He hopes to unearth some mystic power forgotten through the course of time.

As a small Swooper, he can easily move about undetected. Though he lacks actual combat skills, he's an expert at magical artifacts. Typically he just stays near the skies around Vulcan and assists him.

Active Abilties

Screech (20 Days) Werman emits a high-pitch screech that'll make all who hear it flinch.

Bloodsucking (20 Days) If he gets close, he can suck the life from troops and restore his own health. He can also donate blood to restore his own allies, but this isn't as effective on others.

Inventory

Magical Staff: Werman's weapon of choice, he fires off magical projectiles at those below.

Darkness Lantern: Without the cover of darkness, he's an easy target for foes. He uses the Darkness Lantern to shroud himself in a dark cloud that makes his exact location hard to pinpoint, as well as disorienting the target.

Tutankoopa's Amulet: Combined with the Darkness Lantern, he'll never have to worry about getting shot down.

Artifact Magnet: Werman is quite keen to obtain more artifacts.

The Mover: Moves things. Pretty self-explanatory.

Legendary Weapon: Royal Pet Thermite

Contrary to his name, Thermite's not very bright. But that doesn't mean he can't follow orders. He's got an iron grip, so if he bites down on something he's not coming off easily. While not as strong as the champions, he's amazingly durable. Offensively he can't do much on his own except bite, but his assistance may be able to tip the scales.







Captain Cap'n Blarggg


A Blargg who frequently changes professions, he may change his title and appearance on a whim, though he's most fond of his pirate identity.

Being made of lava, he can easily overcome obstacles that would otherwise block him. He cannot fight without being in solid form, however.

Active Abilities

Cannon Blast (20 Days) Regurgitating a cannon that somehow survives his bodily fluids, he fires a strong blast that easily breaks down structures.

Alchemist Jade

A Puni who ventured into the caves of Mt. Rugged in search of rare materials, he has agreed to serve them in exchange for a steady supply of rare substances.

Jade has no actual strength, but operates an odd spider-like machine with a myriad of weapons to combat foes.

Active Abilities

Acid Spray (20 Days) His machine expels a dangerous acid that burns right through common metals.


Legendary Weapon: Royal Pet Thermite

Contrary to his name, Thermite's not very bright. But that doesn't mean he can't follow orders. His chain helps him serve as a grappling hook of sorts. When he clamps on to the enemy, it's incredibly hard to shake him off.

Good Cheer (20 Days) Though he may appear vicious to some, he's actually quite playful and helps raise morale among troops, making them feel better about marching to their death.






Legendary Weapon: Obsidian Scimitar

Captain Blarggg's

Passive Abilities

Gluttony (50 Days) Captain Blarggg can consume nearly any material. He's able to consume machines and restore his strength from it.

Commandeering (20 Days) According to Blargg logic, a pirate can commandeer any vessel.

Active Abilities

Eruption (20 Days) Captain Blarggg bursts forth from the ground and sends molten rock flying.

Lava Stream (20 Days) He fires a thin stream of lava.

Cannon Blast (20 Days) Regurgitating a cannon that somehow survived his bodily fluids, he fires a strong blast that easily breaks down structures.

[sineG yuG lareneG]

The Quest

Okay, outline time.

Vulcan: Attacks Kolorado's crew
Werman: Tracks down Thermite.
Blarggg: Smuggling operation gone bad.
Jade: Gets lost in long forgotten chambers
Thermite: Involved in all

Vulcan's Day, Part 1

Vulcan was getting restless. He wasn't intending to be cooped up all day long. He became king through his actions against the surface-dwellers, and here he was, lying around all day staring at the walls, with nothing to break the monotony but the occasional explosions emanating from Jade's workshop.

When he became king, he had envisioned himself waging war on the surface-dwellers. He was a mole of action, not someone to laze about a castle. He wasn't going to just rot away here like the recent generations of Monty Moles.

He gazed at the history of the Monty Moles, etched in the walls. Scenes of Monty Moles living among the surface, fighting among other species, sealing themselves away underground... They were severely outnumbered in the old days, and were forced to hide underground or face extinction. Vulcan wished his ancestors had stayed and fought for their land, but he'd resolve that. He'd make those blasted fungi suffer the way his people had, send those turtles to undiscovered lands...

Werman insisted that he must wait for them to obtain more power. But he was a king. Was he going to be nothing more than a figurehead? Vulcan made his decision then and there; he was going to take charge send those filthy surface dwellers a message, by himself. Grunts would only get in his way.




Werman's Day, Part 1

Werman was hunched over dusty books as always. He was vigilantly seeking something that would help him rise to power as always, but his patience was wearing thin. But he'd see this through to the end. After coming this far, he couldn't just give up. The army wasn't progressing as fast as he had hoped, however. Without some kind of boost, this army would be left behind, and his already slim chances of supreme power would be nothing more than a fool's dream.

He would make no more progress in this state. Giving up the tiresome reading, he would go make sure the army was in order. Vulcan was quite inspirational, and quickly filled out the ranks. But the higher personnel wasn't fit to lead. A mindless rock, a petty pickpocket, a pile of bones with his head in the past... Without him, this motley crew wouldn't stand a chance in the outside world. It was for the best, he supposed. If he didn't have such a strong influence, he may not be able to use them for his personnel gain.

Vulcan would need to be checked up on, he supposed. Though he may manipulate people, Werman was genuine on the subject of their strength. The army was not fit to wage war quite yet. They lacked a powerful weapon, something to ensure their victory. Tectonic was in the works, true, but there's only so much you can do from below.

He appeared to be wandering through what Socrates had dubbed "the hallway of history." He had inscribed scenes from thousands of years ago. Even Werman found it hard to believe that beings so old could still be walking among the living today. Vulcan was no doubt thinking of "avenging his ancestors," or some other idiotic ideal.

Werman usually had no time for primitive art, but one of the scenes had caught his eye. At first it looked like the typical, everyday life above ground that Vulcan was always gazing at, crude shapes that he supposed were Monty Moles. They appeared to be worshiping the sun. But as he looked closer, he noticed that details had been carved onto the red shape. It couldn't be the sun; he'd have to ask Socrates about it.


Captain Blarggg's Day, Part 1

Captain Blarggg was lounging carelessly in his quarters. If Werman or Vulcan ever came to pay him a visit, they'd bury him alive. Quite literally. Not that it would be a real problem for him.

A quick glance around his room would be enough to see he didn't care about Vulcan's "no-surface goods" policy. He'd decked out his place with almost anything he could smuggle in. Rows of DVDs and video games lined his walls, along with assorted beverages and cool looking weapons. He couldn't actually touch most of it without it burning up, but it was the concept that counts.

He was getting ready for another day of living the easy life when Larry burst into his quarters. A quick glance was enough to tell Cap'n Blarggg that it would be one of those days. Resigning himself to spending the day on some chaotic adventure, he turned to get a good look at Larry.



Jade's Day, Part 1

Coughing through a cloud of smoke, Jade was busy fiddling with his machine. The Monty Moles really did a number on it when they captured him. Most of the systems were fried; it looked like he'd have to rebuild it from scratch. It was easy for him to piece something together back at The Great Tree. The Jabis could whip up something in a flash, and the tree itself was a miracle of nature. But the Punis were a peaceful species, who didn't give much thought to the outside world. He'd never reach his potential back home.

Jade finished some adjustments on his contraption and gave it another go. For a split second, he thought it had done the trick. But then it's engine caught on fire. No good. He'd have to see someone about getting new parts. There was no point sticking around this messy workshop. Blarggg might have something decent he could use among all that contraband.

Mt. Rugged turned out to be a treasure trove of metals. Ores and rare crystals were plenty, and the Monty Moles turned out to be great at blacksmithing. But Vulcan didn't approve of any "non-essential" goods from the surface, though Larry and Captain Blarggg made a business of smuggling stuff from Toad Town. He couldn't imagine it hard to smuggle stuff into this place. The network of tunnels was huge, and most of the army could tunnel through the walls as though it was liquid. Werman implemented restrictions on the tunneling to preserve stability, but there were never enough uptight soldiers to enforce it.

Jade made took a right as he contemplated. Was he heading the right way? The bulb on his head lit his way, but he still hadn't gotten use to navigating the tunnels of Mt. Rugged. There were no distinguishing marks on the walls to guide him, and many of the deeper tunnels Captain Blarggg favored were rough and dangerous. He took another turn. Dead end. He'd been sure this was the right way to Captain Blarggg's quarters.

Where to now? He turned to retrace his path when something hurtled past him, knocking him off balance. Whatever it was continued down the tunnels.

After recovering from the shock of the encounter, he turned to go back to his workshop... or was it the path to his right?

Glancing around, there was no sign of the path he took... he was lost.


Thermite's Day, Part 1





Vulcan's Day, Part 2
Werman's Day, Part 2
Captain Blarggg's Day, Part 2
Jade's Day, Part 2
Thermite's Day, Part 2

[sineG yuG lareneG]

General's Will: You dare slack off on the General? Efficiency is key! Under his influence, anyone he commands shall act as one and be able to pull off complex formations on the spot. Even enemies troops shall quell under his dark gaze.

Try Harder!: Have you failed? Then you aren't trying hard enough! General Guy shall force people to exert their full force or perish.

It's Just a Scratch!: General Guy won't tolerate his subordinates' complaints. Troops he yells at shall ignore all minor injuries and fight.

Leader's Intuition: You think you can fool your leader with those pathetic lies? Underhanded trickery is less likely to succeed.

For The People!: Though he may be rough at times, he's got the peoples' interest at heart. His presence raises morale and helps troops fight more efficiently.



Infini T.
Previous Occupation: General of the Army of the Future
Cause of Failure: Due to overly cruel experiments preformed on troops, he was soon overwhelmed by the discontent of his test subjects and lost nearly everything.
Ambitions: Infini T. sought to use advanced technology to enslave the Mushroom Kingdom and gain knowledge the likes of which have never been seen before.

Werman
Previous Occupation: Minister of the Subterranean Strike
Cause of Failure:
Ambitions: Werman seeks to discover an ancient power that will make him the strongest creature in the world

Bowser
Previous Occupation: King of the Koopas
Cause of Failure: [too long to list]
Ambitions: To rule over the Mushroom Kingdom and capture the princess.

Kirby
Previous Occupation: Leader of the Starry Skies
Cause of Failure: His poor leadership and naivety lead to immediate downfall.
Ambitions: Iunno, world peace?

Yin-Yarn
Previous Occupation: Downcast ruler of Dreamland
Cause of Failure: Incompetence in pretty much everything
Ambitions: Yarnify Dreamland

Rawk Hawk
Previous Occupation: Champion of Glitz Pit
Cause of Failure: Lack of real talent
Ambitions: Fame

King Boo
Yami
Pokemon Master
Dragonzamasu
Luigi
Waluigi
Tingle
Meta Ridley



Troops:
Shy Guys
Space Pirates
Patrol Koopas
Yarn Waddledees
Imps

[sineG yuG lareneG]

Second Chance Foundation
Day 0

General: General Guy
Captain: Infini T.
Messenger: Space Pirate

Future: Werman, Blue Koopabro, Boulderbash, Game Guy, Imperator Ix, Bowser, Kirby, Rawk Hawk, Tutankoopa, Wario, Magnus, Yin-Yarn

Allies:
Enemies

Civilians: NA
War Points: NA

Base: Rogueport
Base Defenses:
Location (Natural Defense) You better get a ship if you wanna cross the sea.
Beacon (20 Days) This shining beacon blinds aircraft

Troops:
Robo-Goombas
Shy Guys
Swoopires
Ninja Koopa
Space Pirate
Magons
Yarn Waddledees

Total:

War Machines:

UWM: Retribution (Toybox + Tectonic + Floating Isle + Bowser's Castle)


Artifacts:


Projects:


Completed Projects
None

Factories:
None

Log:

After much mindless paperwork, I've finally been reappointed as foreman. Those lazy rats aren't gonna slack off on my watch.

-Boulderbash

[sineG yuG lareneG]

10,000 Monty Moles
10,000 Rocky Clefts
10,000 Quarry Hammerbros.
10,000 Thermal Chomps
10,000 Cave Piranhas
5,000 Swoopers
1,000 Tunnel Squeeks

The Tectonic
5 Drill Tanks

Boulderbash

To bypass defenses, the Tectonic will deploy Thermal Chomps, Swoopers, Hammerbros., and Clefts on the surface. Afterwards, the deployment drill will retract back underground and the Tectonic will back into a safe area, as the minefield will probably have done a number on it. Drill Tanks will linger just below the surface, rising to drill through a wall or two before going back underneath.

The rest of the troops won't need to be transported to the surface, so they'll surface in other areas of the castle. A small band of Tunnel Squeeks will work with a band of Monty Moles to seek out artifacts. Should the artifacts be guarded or in use, they'll turn tail and flee. However, if they're not in use, they'll grab it and run. They should also be able to sniff out the landmines around the castle, which they can hopefully remove safely.

Swoopers won't be very useful combat wise, so they'll move about screeching near their foes to disorient them, or at least prevent them from hearing orders. Werman's personal enforcement squad won't let his idiotic force be persuaded to turn against them. However, being underground, it's unlikely they'll be persuaded as much as normal troops would have.

Quarry Hammerbros. will lob dynamite at any approaching threats and work on wrecking castle walls with their sledgehammers.

Rocky Clefts and Thermal Chomps are the main attacking force on the surface, charging forward into enemy ranks and working on scattering them, preventing them from getting in the way of Quarry Hammerbros. and providing time for the subterranean soldiers.

Cave Piranhas shall pop up in random areas using their acid to spray the walls and burn troops before retreating back underneath to resurface somewhere else. Monty Moles are also capable of surfacing and striking quickly and burrowing to avoid retaliation.

Boulderbash shall remain safely in Tectonic.

To sum stuff up:
Main Focus: Cause destruction to the castle
Secondary Focus: Steal artifacts
Strategy: WMs and troops shall tunnel around the castle while doing all they can to destroy the castle walls
Only Threats: The army is about swaying people to their cause. However, being underground, this won't have as severe effect as the Kirby battle.


Reinforcements:
2,000 Mineshaft Boos

While this new force is by no means tide-turning, it can help lessen the blows.

First off, about 100 Boos and Swoopers will target Patsy, who is by no means hard to locate. The boos will expel their soot on him to cut out his speech and the Swoopers will airlift him into the sky while Boos make sure he doesn't get a breath of fresh air. Patsy is tiny, so he shouldn't be difficult. He's incredibly resilient, yes, but that doesn't mean he isn't hard to pick up. If for some reason they try to shoot the Swoopers, then Patsy will plunge to the ground and take damage. But they'll try to kidnap him, while he inhales soot all the way.

I have no idea what Ray is bringing, but the Mineshaft Boos will attempt to phrase through into his machines and blind the pilots.

Now, Popple and Ratch are the problems here. Mineshaft Boos can't stop them, but they should at least be able to blind them.

I had hoped I wouldn't need to do this, but it looks like I'll have to purge the entire machine if I want to try and get them out. A Cave Piranha or, if one can't make it, Hammerbro will take over the controls as Boulderbash escapes the machine while Mineshaft Boos obscure Popple's and Ratch's views. Then it's time to flood The Tectonic.

Drilling into the moat, it'll open it's deployment drill and let all the water flood in. I suppose I should describe the deployment drill since you mentioned something about it. It's basically an extendable hollow drill that troops can exit out of and enter through. This isn't likely to be effective, as Popple could simply freeze the water or Ratch could Wander away, but if they abandon ship then the drill will close, proved that the machine still works. Otherwise Tunnel Squeeks will try and pull what they can from it and scram.

The other troops will continue the same tactics, though Hammerbros. will make sure Boulderbash is well guarded.


Speaking of Tunnel Squeeks, what's the word on those guys?



Losses have reached their limit. It's time to pull out.

If Patsy is secured, then no matter what I've lost then this makes up for it.

All Mineshaft Boos and Swoopers shall do their utmost to maintain the obscuring cloud around him, especially sure not to let him get a word in edgewise. Swoopers will even draw blood from him to make sure he isn't in any mood to sweet talk them.

The Drill Tanks will do one last run along the walls before pulling out. The Hammerbros. will fling Chomps up to the walls so they can attack the Bulbins directly while also weakening the structures they stand on, with no regard for the Chomps' wellbeing. Clefts will also focus on tearing down walls.

But, I can't just rely on a single thing to make a positive battle. The Tectonic was wrecked. Tunnel Squeeks will grab any last scraps before getting away from their with scavenged metal. At least I'll get a head start on making Tectonic this time.

The Piranhas must have already done all they can to the stone, and Monty Moles won't survive for long. They'll pull out as well.

Whether Patsy is secured or not, once his condition is made clear all troops will run for their lives.

[sineG yuG lareneG]

Outline: Werman, Thermite and Vulcan fight through past armies to get dark stuff

-Yin and Yang
-Black Jewel
-Dark Star
-Chaos Emerald
-San T's experimental stuff turning him into Infini T.
-Tortured Soul Game Guy
-Sumthin' from Magnus
-Shy Guy Tech
-Tutankoopa probably
-Rawk Hawk's belt

Werman's Travels Through Time (working title)


Werman was in his small crevice crowded with books as always. For a long time he had been seeking dark artifacts from every source imaginable, from Larry's petty dealings to Socrates' lengthy and dull lectures. But nothing... Over the course of time, the objects of power had gradually faded away through the course of the wars... The legendary Dark Star, who was the very embodiment of darkness. The famed Black Jewel, who could create legions of monsters on the spot. They had all disappeared throughout time.

"Pardon me, sir..." Jade's voice came from the tunnel below.

"I am not to be disturbed!" Werman snapped. Vulcan was already starting to doubt his powers.

"I'm sorry, but Larry has reported something he found on the mountaintop."

Sighing, Werman got up to see what pointless thing the rat had discovered.

---

Yin-Yarn

Werman awoke to a ridiculous sight. He was in some land where everything looked as though it was taken from a crafts store. Paper butterflies and fuzzy Waddle Dees strolled around a colorful plaza. He was shocked that something he could be searching for would lie in a place like this. Nevertheless...

"...and that cloud looks like a pile of rocks, and that one..."

You imbecile! Have you already forgotten what the purpose of this journey was?

"Hm? Was I trying to kill revolutionize the Kiwis? Do I know what Kiwis are?"

Superiority! You were to kill Dreamland's greatest villains!

"Doesn't sound like something I was going to do. Rallying the cuttlefish sounds like a better way to dominate the world."

Werman was shocked someone so idiotic could possess the power he sought. He wasn't sure where Vulcan had gone, but this fool would be easy to overpower.

Whirling his magic staff through the air, he fired off a bolt of magic at the unsuspecting figure. He was engulfed in a bright blue explosion. Many of the Waddle Dees gave high pitched screams and fled.

As the dust cleared, two needles stood out among all the bits of string that had been Yin-Yarn. Coming down for a closer look, he inspected the sticks. Yes, these were definitely the artifacts he sought.

He was off looking for Vulcan when a tendril of yarn whipped around him.

"Hey now, don't come to a party if you don't wanna throw down," spoke a reconstructing Yin-Yarn with the outline of wings on his back.

---

Vulcan found himself in building that appeared to be made of cardboard. Thermite appeared to be chewing on the future.

"Hello there good sir!" A floating ball of yarn appeared out of nowhere.

"Where's-"

"Welcome to Patchland's finest apartment buildings! I am Dom Woole, owner of this residence. Would you care for a room?"

"I-"

"Splendid! Would you like to pay up front or will you-"

Vulcan tore Dom Woole in half and punched through the walls.

---

"Give me back the weapons and we won't have a problem."

"Fool, do you think I will just hand them over?"

"Give it!"

"No."

"GIMME!"

What followed was an embarrassing struggle as both the dark wizards tried to pull the artifacts away from each other.

"...Should we be helping the boss?"

[sineG yuG lareneG]

Troops:
10,000 Tunnel Squeeks
4,000 Swoopers
4,000 Monty Moles
4,000 Rocky Clefts
4,000 Quarry Hammerbros.
4,000 Thermal Chomps
4,000 Dry Fossils
2,000 Cave Piranhas

War Machines:
Bonetail
1 Drill Tanks (30 Days)
20 Blarggs
Socrates
Granite

Artifact Magnet (30 Days)
Mist Pot (borrowed from Hippo)

The aerial force will be comprised of most of the Tunnel Squeeks, 500 Monty Moles, 2,000 Dry Fossils, 1,000 Thermal Chomps and about a 1,000 Hammerbros., lead by Socrates. 1,000 Swoopers shall also follow. Engima has a couple air defenses, so the Hammerbros. will lob dynamite from Bonetail to destroy anything that fires at Bonetail. They'll also throw Thermal Chomps at any missiles, because what else would a Hammerbro be good at if not a hammerthrow? Dry Fossils shall cling to Bonetail's exterior to help guard against anything that lands though.

Bonetail will land on the mountain as soon as possible in a hopefully safe location, while a good deal of the Squeeks will depart around the mountain to search for the anti-air cannons and scavenge scrap metal. They'll also use the Artifact Magnet to locate anything of value. Once they find the spot directly above the artifacts, then the Quarry Hammerbros. will detonate a bunch of dynamite in that spot in hopes of breaking through the dome. If that isn't enough, then the Monty Moles will begin on it. Once they do breach the dome, then the Swoopers will airlift the troops down.

The ground force, overseen by Granite, will attack the door. Under the combined fire of chomps, clefts, Blarggs and the Drill Tank, it should fall rather quickly. Once they break through, then the Clefts and Chomps will lead the first wave and rush into enemy ranks. After the initial rush, they'll fall back behind Dry Fossils as Hammerbros. lob dynamite at the enemy. Should there be any aircraft, the Hammerbros. will grab the chains of the chomps and fling them at the aircraft. Monty Moles and the Piranha Plants should be able to tunnel through the rock, so they'll pop up among enemy ranks and strike before going back underground. Once the Hammerbros. are out of dynamite, then the Blarggs shall take over the bombardment and spew lava at the enemy.

Plans will change as the battle progresses. The mist pot shall activate during the beginning of the second update for maximum effect.



Blargg, I wasn't even sure if the Buzzy Beetle launcher was anti-air.

Now that the door is down, the Mist Pot will be used to obscure the battlefield. The Dry Fossils will form a blockade to prevent the Shroobs from seeing the rest of the force. The Quarry Hammerbros. will also fling dynamite and Chomps over them so they think they're still in front of them. 5 Blarggs will remain behind and spew lava in hopes of fooling them.

Meanwhile, the Tunnel Squeeks that went with the ground force will direct the Drill Tank and use their nose to sniff out large traces of metal to locate the Mothership and factories. Hopefully they'll reach it still under the cover of fog and be able to start taking apart the machines. They'll load whatever metal they can scavenge onto the minecarts and start sending it back to base as soon as it's full. Should the fog lift while they're taking it apart, the the Blarggs will wreck whatever remains and then they'll git outta thar.



Mission failed, all troops will evacuate the island immediately. As the Dry Fossils are slower than the others, they almost certainly won't make it on time, so they'll maintain a blockade around the door.

Granite and the Blarggs will take the minecarts to get to Bonetail faster and get on board. The Swoopers will keep a lookout for the UFO and Mothership. If they start coming back and the troops are too far behind, Socrates and Granite will have to depart without them. Saving themselves and the artifacts is worth more than the lives of rats.

Once in the air, they should be safe. The UFO's air cannons are weaker than it's main weapons, and the Mothership has nearly half it's days in damage to it. Even if they can catch up, then the Hammerbros. will use the few explosives they have left and use the chomps as projectiles once more.

[sineG yuG lareneG]

Strange Armor: Didn't I get this from my very first victory? Good times, anyway, this armor provides defense that my standard Shy Guy robes is quite lacking. It also allows me to teleport short distances.

Exobox: Dear god, that DERP was a terrible way to die. Have you ever experienced you flesh melting as irradiated metal dug into your brains? Reminiscing aside, I've scavenged what I could from the murder weapon and modified it with our old Subspace allies' tech and added a bit of our own to the mix. This explosive acts as a black hole that consumes anything that gets too close and lasts for a good minute before shutting off. Once something gets inside it, then it's trapped until we personally release it. For whatever reason, it has no effect on powerful figures and massive machines, only doing slight damage.

Luigi's Diary: We had a bunch of fun with this thing. When I open this up, I read out a bunch of drivel that has our enemies enticed by it's tall tales. They wouldn't even notice what I'm doing as long as I continue to read.

Shell Phone: I annoyed the heck outta that Mystery Market guy. Using this cell phone, I can contact the Mystery Market and they'll drop off increasingly poor items until I annoy Popple too much and he starts sending things that may be hazardous to my health.

Game Guy's Mask: Man, what happened to this guy over the years? Decades of abuse have turned Game Guy into a monstrosity. Though he simply looks like a mask with spider legs, he can latch onto something and it'll increase exponentially, becoming roughly a 30 day war machine until it's destroyed or Game Guy is forced off. He can detach whenever he wants, but he can only take over another host if he doesn't sustain damage.

Goomba Grabber: This was one of my most successful raids in my short career. This essentially serves as a third arm for me, which gives me an edge in combat.

Darkness Sparky: BLG ran out on me, but I still got his old lantern. This casts a field of darkness around me that makes me near-impossible to hit with projectiles.

Magical Fax Machine: The Shy Guys would be history without this miraculous device. This is capable of sending objects anywhere on the battlefield one-way.

Cake: Gourmet Guy ran as fast as he could, but he didn't manage to get his precious sweets when fleeing. In a jam, this gives me a massive sugar rushing, greatly improving overall performance. However, I tire faster under it's influence.

Illusion Mask: So many things have saved me from the verge of death. When I wear this, I can preform a wide array of tricks.

Inconspicuous Mask: Though it looks strange, whenever I don this mask I blend right in wherever I may be. Keener troops and officers will see through my disguise, but most shall simply fail to notice me.

Red Ryder BB Gun: Though it's a mere toy, it's strikingly deadly.

Lucky Revolver: Although I have lead the Shy Guys into war many times, I'm still pretty young. Inherited from a previous generation of Shy Guys, if I'm ever on the verge of death, then this revolver is guaranteed to strike a powerful blow.

[sineG yuG lareneG]

Cap'n Blarggg

Meanest creature ever to cross the seas, Cap'n Blarggg has gained mass and is now roughly 100 feet tall, though for purposes of entering his own base he can shrink down when necessary. If you thought Blarggs were bad, he spews lava like a volcano, causing more lasting destruction then petty explosives do. How does a lava creature become a pirate, you may ask? Well, he cheats. Since he burns right through most ships, he is the ship. Any body of water he comes in contact starts becoming molten rock like a virus outward from him. He also radiates a massive amount of heat, so water targeted at him evaporates as well as detonating explosives prematurely. He can still conjure up obsidian weapons like a scimitar or anchor, but he can't spew lava while wielding these.

[sineG yuG lareneG]

Jotting down the flyer ideas for Blarggg:

HMS at the counter with a bottle of Welch's Grapejuice and a Rainbow Dash mask behind him.

Popple dressed as Santa.

Serena littering.

Manaworx as Weird Al Yankovic.

Already did Yeto.

Grodus as Young Michael Jackson. He had an afro.

Paradee with a swimming tube floating away from the Titanic.

Cap'n Blarggg punching a robot ninja nazi shark. i672.photobucket.com/albums/vv81/General_Guy_777/robotninjanazishark.png

[sineG yuG lareneG]

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News-reporting Bidoofs, hardworking racist Gears, equally considerate Claydols, misspelled Chairizards and similar species and of course uber human lawyers making sure his enemies know whose property it is.

Shipping Forterras.

Kitchen bots.