Dodongo Dislikes Pogeymanz

[sineG yuG lareneG]

The recently dubbed Chatot Guild was in celebration. They had senselessly beat up enslaved children and repelled a piece of cardboard. This monumental triumph would go down in history. Legends would speak of this incredible event, which even the most drunken gambler wouldn't have bet on. They had actually won something.

Dizzy animals stumbled from the recently constructed Spinda's Cafe, vomiting rainbow sludge onto the ground. Nothing could diminish their cheer, even though weeks had passed from that victory.

The hero of legends perched atop the look-out tower, remaining ever-vigilant. Derpyotto has won the day through cunning, strength, and perhaps the lack of an actual threat. He would continue to be their beacon of hope for as long as he remained derpy. And so, when thousands of enemies appeared on the horizon, he knew he would be needed once more.

---

Chatot gave a loud squawk as something thumped against the wall.

"What the hugs was that?" Wigglytuff's Ghost took the liberty of censoring his friend for the younger Pokemon in the room.

This persisted a few more times, until Derpyotto managed to break down the window and spiraled into the room in a manner that would make Spinda dizzy. Knowing his heroic duty to inform those without his prowess, he boldly communicated to them that he would take it upon himself to save them all.

And Chatot was getting pissed at the bird for screeching loudly and defecating on the floor.

"I think he's trying to say that we're getting visited by folks who aren't our friends yet." The ghost of Wigglytuff helpfully intervened before Chatot could work up a fury and make some of the little ones cry.

"Then where the friendship are they?"

Something fuzzy from space was wondering the same thing.

---

"I'M NOT LISTENING TO YOU SEALEO! GET THE CRIPPLES OUT OF MY HEAD!" Magikarp bashed his head repeatedly against the wall, apparently having a feud with the voice inside his head he called SEALEO.

"shut up faget we're watching motherfiretrucking Lion King." An overweight British man sat on a horse watching a TV, despite the fact that they're underwater. Feraligatr crunched on a glass bottle and threw it in annoyance when he saw his worthless messenger arrive.

"Hey guys, weren't we supposed to help the space hamster with-" Luvdisc was cut off by an irritated Seaking.

"Why haven't you been eaten yet?"

"I found out my body is resistant against stomach acids. And is that a TV underwater?" With that remark, the TV momentarily flared and blew out.

"Oh great, you just had to bring in logic with you."

"FUUUUUUUUahionndwp..."

"SEALEO IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP I SWEAR I'M GOING TO START TAKING TYLENOL."

"as;kfgujdkbgfulsd..."

"Hey everybody, I'm the best new guy!"

"hjfgogfvsnsdo..."

"Someone deal with that guy's seizure."

"...Is that a toast-" Feraligatr finally got up from his chair and smacked Luvdisc.

"STOP. USING. LOGIC. UNDERSTAND?" Feraligatr emphasized each of his words with a resounding hit to the new "Magikarp" of the sea.

"I-I just wanted to tell you that our ally has been waiting for us... And that British man may have drowned."

"Yeah, yeah. We'll be there. After the blind Milotic drops by."

---

The Chatot Guild was also busy making crucial use of the incompetence of their enemies.

"So... Why are we just standing around?" Dugtrio was wondering why he wasn't carrying out his duties. Chatot's reply was sharp and irritated.

"Isn't it obvious? We're waiting for our allies to arrive."

"Then shouldn't we go... You know, ask for help?"

"Hey Diglett. Did you know your father is a cluster of hermaprodites?"

"Chatot!"

"Daddy, what's a 'hermaphrodite'?"

"Meh-heh-heh... You see, Diglett, when a man can't get with a woman..."

"Croagunk!"

"Leave the kid alone! You guys are soooo immature~"

"Chimecho's right, yup yup."

"WHY WON'T EVERYBODY JUST SHUT THE hugs[/color] UP[/b]?"

"Wynaut!"

"SHUT THE friendship[/color][/size] UP YOU WORTHLESS PILE OF [/b]biscuits[/color][/size]. GO BOTHER THAT MOTHER[/b]friendship[/color][/size]ING BEAR THING RUNNING HIS [/b]happy[/color][/size] LITTLE JUICE STAND.[/b]"

"Anyone remember the days when Pokemon was still innocent?"

"Nope."

---

King Kaliente sat atop of a Generic Airship and was getting ticked at their allies' lateness. He was giving furious stares at the Octillaries that had been sent ahead of them, making them quite uncomfortable.

After a long period of unrelenting glares, raging storm clouds finally appeared on the horizon as Kyogre glided in on the horizon. He leveled to a halt against the side, while Magikarp woke up from a nap.

"Where in Spehs' name were you guys?"

"Uh... Something not related to cripples..."

"Whatever. Let's get on with this."

Restless after their inactivity, the crews aboard the airships finally moved out. The first flew parallel to the wall surrounding the shore as Kaliente shouted a speech to them.

"Today, you worthless spheres will finally make yourself useful. None of you will probably survive this mission. But that's okay, because you're all expendable. FIRE!" Many troops spoke in unison.

"Wait, what?"

"TRANSFOOOOOOORM!" Lumas sprung into action, transforming into Launch Stars. Half of the Bomb Boos on board reluctantly (or forced) onto the cannons, to be propelled to their death as many of their fellow troops pitied them.

Thousands of Bomb Boos struck the wall, sending large sections crumbling into the sea while Aquatic Anarchy moved into action.

---

The meager force positioned on top of the wall was little match for the thousands of kamikaze troops bombarding the foundation they stood on. Many of the Pokemon stationed there tumbled into the sea. Once they regained their balance, they all rose up in retaliation, ready to send the enemy force packing.

"Alright, men! Show these goldfish what you're made of!" Thousands of brave Cyndaquils launched a storm of fireballs at the enemy airships.

Unfortunately for them, the deluge summoned by Kyogre quenched their flames before they could reach the airships, leaving only gentle gusts to rock the ships slightly. Several aircrafts flew past the wall and made their way towards Treasure Town, leaving the Cyndaquils to sit in the drizzle in shame.

---

The greatest warrior of the Chatot Guild watched as their first line of defense could do nothing against the aircraft. But they were needed not, for this warrior was a master of the skies. All would tremble at the sight of the mighty beast, who would enslave the enemy force by intimidation alone.

Derpyotto flew through the skies, ready to wreck the opposing armada.

He knew, with unparalleled genius, that taking one of their transport ships would turn the tide on the watery warlords.

And so, with his incredible might, he hurled the Winter Pokeball at the unscathed vessel.

King Kaliente casually flicked the Pokeball back, taking this opportunity to use Space Aristotle Metaphysics. The Pokeball exchanged places with the weathered old book and it hit Derpyotto head on, sending him tumbling through the skies.

His mission even a more rousing success than he could have hoped for, he took the worthless book and flew off into the distance, ready to spread his justice elsewhere.

---

Kinglers scuttled onto pieces of debris from the wall, using the occasional Crabhammer to smash some rubble in the way. It would appear that there would be no opposition, until an Armaldo leap out from a piece of the ruins.

It rapidly went to work and went into a frenzy with it's claws, shredding up a Kingler. The Kinglers started using their hammering force against the Armaldos, but their natural plating was proving difficult to dent.

Unfortunately for the Armaldos, the Kinglers also had a natural shell that rendered their sharp claws ineffective. But the Armaldos still had the upper hand, being bulkier and able to score the lucky blow on the crustaceans.

Several of the Kinglers changed tactics and starting smashing the walls around them, but Armaldos had been positioned in various locations along the wall and weren't making much headway. A couple Cyndaquils tried to redeem their honor but did little more than provide some more light.

"Yo dawg!"

Many of the Armaldos jumped, oblivious to the small creature that had slipped by.

"We herd u liek memes so we put memes in yo memes so you can liek 'em while you liek 'em!" A Mudkip gave a cheesy grin to the distracted ubers, momentarily putting a halt to their onslaught.

While this was happening, a furious roar emanated from the sea. Kinglers backed away from the forces as the Armaldos stood uneasily, wondering what angry beast would make them retreat.

Twin headlights flashed from the water, overpowering what little of sun still poked through. The Armaldos froze in fear of the unknown menace.

Kingfin rose dramatically from the waves, his powerful gaze never wavering.

With another tremendous roar, a black rock flew from the gaping maw. Where it struck the land, a patch of darkness rapidly grew.

The horde of Armaldos were sucked into the expanding abyss, some having the wit to dig their claws into the ground. But Mudkip gave a malicious grin as he dazed these smarter ones with babbling nonsense, sending them hurtling into darkness.

"Thanks, and I'mma let you finish, but water pokemon are the best types of all tiem! OF ALL TIEM!"

With the majority of the living fossils out of the way, the march of Aquatic Anarchy continued.

---

In the skies, the Fighter Squadron flew through the skies unopposed, the pilot wondering where his target was supposed to be.

---

The captains of the Chatot Guild sat huddled around their Tiki Torches, trying to stay warm. Only Bidoof and Wigglytuff were optimistic.

"At least we're safe here, yup yup."

"And I have no mortal feelings!"

"SHUT UP YOU DIRTY RODENTS!" Loudred's voice resounded around their shelter, making the Chicoritas outside jump.

---

Kyogre flew through the thick rain, scanning the group below while Magikarp glanced at the Town Map. He was surprised nothing struck him; they had been anticipating lightning strikes.

"Right... It should be around... There!" He pointed to a stumbling dot on the ground below. Spinda appeared to be circling a building. That guy had no right to be a captain.

Kyogre glided closer to the ground, taking careful aim at the oblivious bear. He opened his jaws as wide as he could, Magikarp carefully positioned between them. Using his powers, he regurgitated a large quantity of water and fired off a Hydro Pump.

Magikarp rode on the current and combined his powers, adding Waterfall to the mix to accelerate. He was sooned encased in a large sphere of water hurtling towards the tumbling Spinda.

Spinda glanced up, seeing the giant raindrop headed towards he. He remarked on the oddity to no one in particular, and continued his weird pattern.

It seemed like Magikarp would hit him head on, with nothing in his...

The dragon reared up, destroying the roof of the building he was sheltering in. Using his assigned tactics, he widened his mouth and angled his head above Spinda. Magikarp shot down it's gullet.

Honestly, the dragon was surprised it worked. Perhaps this army wasn't so bad, after all...

Urgh... The momentum of that fish was killer on his stomach. This is why he preferred humans.

The dragon bent over, now clearly in pain. Spinda eyed him curiously.

With a regretful sort of roar, he fell on his side, foaming at the mouth.

Magikarp burst from it's maw, breaking several teeth in the process. Spinda applauded the dramatic action.

By this time Kingfin arrived, flying ahead of the march.

Together they posed, a fearsome goldfish covered in dragon guts with a colossal skeleton.

JUST GOT REAL.

[sineG yuG lareneG]

Part 2

Far from the Chatot Guild and their troubles, a team of intellectuals collaborated on the tactic most likely to yield favorable results. These men were devising a plan to help dispel an aquatic fraction from their patron's lands, whose world seemed to be in a constant state of warring. Once they had come to an agreement on a strategy with what they felt was a high probability of success, they went to work with their preparations.

These were a seemingly meaningless series of tasks. A chameleon in glasses sat on the steps to a building with a prestigious air about it, hammering keys on a laptop. Nearby, a wrinkled old man painstakingly worked on what he proclaimed to be a mural, which resembled little more than an ink blot. Further away from these two curious individuals, an old Koopa with a weathered hat stood in front of a large congregation of X-Nauts and Hammer Bros., his mustache bristling as he gave them a lecture.

In a manner of seconds they would be off. These people no doubt had a brilliant plan in mind that would make the crustaceans come to regret their decision to attack.

---

Weedles and Dunsparces labored over apparently pointless tasks in the plains next to the Chatot Tent. The feathery guildmaster demanded that they must do the chores none of them wanted to do after having caused them to drift among the sea. They were dangerously low on supplies and there was scarcely a Pokemon outside the Chatot Guild who wasn't malnourished, meaning they couldn't escape or join whether they wanted to or not. Regular civilians faced nothing but hardships from the once friendly adventurers that sought to help Pokemon across the world. But that was fine, because nobody cares about Dunsparces or Weedles.

A particularly famished band of Dunsparces were in the tedious process of cultivating a corn field, so that they could create crop circles to anger the gods to help defend the island. They were forbidden to try eating these, as Spinda called the rights to all of it for new types of smoothies. The idiocy of their leaders were more than enough to throw them into a deep state of depression. When the guild members issued them their defensive strategy, they were hardly surprised at what it contained.

run n tge other dirctin

-chartat

*chatot
*dam wings

And so, when a band of Tentacruels arrived, they were wriggling in the other direction as furiously as they could.

They swarmed across the field, flattening the letters the civilians had managed to carve in the landscape until only "R4Y SM" remained visible from the skies. Rayquaza couldn't care less about a person named Ray, and so went off in search of something more interesting happening in the Pokemon world.

Tentacruels continued their march of destruction towards the Chatot Guild's factories. The procession of flagella soon spotted a large pentagon gorged into the ground, with a constantly shimmering form in the center. Along the rim of this oddity were gears embedded into the earth, though it appeared to have gaps along it. Strange plant growth was occurring around these gaps, as grass withered away in seconds and new ones grew at unbelievable speed. But they didn't stop to appreciate this strange sight.

Making quick work of the seal, they washed away the lines crossing the plains would presumably tame Primal Dialga. The more likely result was summoning a beast that would kill them all.

It was almost disappointing that so few evidence of factories remained. They were hoping to ruin more than that. Then one of them noticed a laptop on the ground nearby. It's screen displayed some site called GPXplus, open to some discussion.

bigbidoof: hey
bigbidoof: just letting u guys no ill b here 4 awhile
bigbidoof: being useless
bigbidoof: yupyup

One of the smaller Tentacruels devised a plan while the others stood by, jealous that they were unable to operate such devices.

tentaclefan817: Hey Bidoof.
tentaclefan817: You know what you should do?
tentaclefan817: Build a fort and SAVE AMERICA!

The reply came back rather quickly.

bigbidoof: ok

Mission accomplished, the small band set off to rejoin the fight.

---

Back in the center of the action, Magikarp ceased posing when Shinxes started launching an electrical storm at them. Kingfin was able to shield Magikarp from the blunt of the attacks while Kyogre slammed into the ground, causing nearby buildings to crumble and crush many Shinxes. The widely spread battalion couldn't compare to his strength.

While Kyogre dealt with the Pokemon scattered around Treasure Town, Magikarp turned his attention to the DRAGIN. It made a feeble attempt to get away from the combat, but it wouldn't get far.

For a moment, he stood still in silent concentration as a watery cocoon appeared around him. The DRAGIN made a titanic effort to crawl away, but even under the best circumstances he wouldn't have been able to escape from the lightning speed of Waterfall. Magikarp was a blur as he cannoned straight through the DRAGIN's throat.

The refreshing water was little consolation to the weakened DRAGIN as he the world around him faded, journeying beyond the world of the living.

Magikarp stood to admire his handiwork. He was feeling rather pleased at his strength when he heard the sound of crunching behind him.

Spinda stood there with a bag of sunflower seeds in his paw. Magikarp gave him a menacing gaze and approached imposingly, which had little effect when he barely came up to most people's knees. He returned Magikarp's stare for a moment, then continued munching noisily on his snack.

Furious at his opponent's lack of reaction, he opened his mouth and roared. His form slowly lost definition as it elongated, and red scales began to shift colors. The volume of his roar increased as he grew, and his shimmering body began to adopt a blue tint. In a few seconds, towering over Spinda was a ferocious Gyarados. The bear remained unfazed.

Choosing to retaliate, Spinda started doing a weird sort of dance with no apparent rhythm or style. He kept up the motion for a surprising amount of time considering the lack of coordination, but in the end he hit himself on the head and fell down.

The more vicious form of Magikarp gave a cruel laugh, while Shinxes cowering in rubble were slightly ashamed of their captain. Gyarados didn't even notice what happened until something wet slapped him in the face.

He shook his head and stared at the sky in astonishment. Spinda's Metronome and made it start raining pancakes.

Gyarados's opponent wouldn't even fight him sensibly. This was outrageous. Wielding a fishing rod, he was determined not to let his enemy get away. But it was hopeless, as the illogical weather obscured his view. He blasted a group of Phanpies and slid across the ground, determined not to let the coward get far.

---

Kolorado washed up on shore, heaving. He wasn't as quite as fit as he use to be, although he was one of the few optimistic ones of the group.

Hundreds of Koopas and X-Nauts scrambled to the shore, having no option but to reluctantly swim to the island at Kolorado's insistence. E. Gadd landed nearby, his Poltergust allowing for a much easier method of traveling.

"Nerrrrr! All this water is ruining my schweet laptop!" Francis complained despite having rode on Kolorado's shell the entire way.

"Tarry not, lads... I'll be along in just a moment..." Kolorado doubled over, gesturing for the scholars to lead the way.

The bullies were just in time to engage the last of the forces marching past the wall. Bully Bros. launched a barrage of hammers over a line of crustaceans towards creatures with more tentacles.

Caught off guard, the Kinglers surrounding the horde of sea creatures turned to retaliate against the new force. Octilleries diverged from the main force to defend themselves.

The sound of hammers cascading against hard shells rang out as they signaled death to their opponents. Octilleries spat out water missiles as ink soared over Kinglers. The force of the shots pushed the Bully Bros. back, but the rain washed away the ink from their faces quickly.

Kinglers scuttled over to engage the bullies, but their Crabhammer strikes were quickly met with the crushing weight of their actual hammers. Although the ubers were heavily outnumbered, whenever a Bully Bro. took damage X-Nauts appeared at their sides to attend to their wounds. These medics were not without their own strength, either. Despite their few numbers, they managed to hold their ground near the walls.

Cyndaquils looking for safer grounds made a last-ditch effort to redeem themselves by assisting these new forces, but provided little more than a buffer between the opposing factions as the rain rendered their only attacks useless.

The Ivy League heroes ignored this skirmish between troops and sought for the greater threats, skirting around the main force without much difficulty.

---

While Aquatic Anarchy's rear force was distracted by competent reinforcements, the majority continued unhindered with their march into Treasure Town.

Unfortunately for them, they faced more resistance here than the meager force defending the walls.

Thousands of Phanpies charged into battle, using Rollout to crush the first foot soldiers to enter. But their initial rush was quickly put to a stop when the Ludicolos decided to show off their chubby might.

Ceasing their usual dance, these tubby Mexican-equs Pokemon started making use of their girth and began a synchronized movement emphasizing their size.

Their jiggling bravado was impressive to some observers, but most were concerned about the sudden gale brought by their moves. A tornado appeared among their ranks. The obesity-induced weather tore through the ranks of Phanpies and sent debris and elephant everywhere.

Generic Airships flew overhead, ready to bring their force into the fight. A few Shinxes wised up and started raining down thunderbolts on the machines, but they were to be the first to fall.

Lumas lined the deck, with obscured Goombas lining behind them. With their special metamorphosis, they once more changed into Launch Stars. The Goombeetles quickly moved into action, ready to hurtle at their foes.

Diamonds were an underling's best friend. Secure in their top-quality armor, they suffered little damage from their collisions and sprung up, ready to attack those who would once have stomped on them.

Following the Goombeetle barrage, a bombardment of Bomb Boos rained down on Treasure Town. Hundreds of the volatile spectral entities spread their destruction, causing Pokemon to scatter as their homes and businesses crumbled.

Tentacruels took this as their cue to move in, a thick bramble of wiggling tendrils headed towards disorientated animals.

---

Bidoof sat in a crevice of Sharpedo Bluff, typing away to his loyal fans of his website. Of course, he had no idea how programming worked, so he had someone named Francis make it for him. Chatot encouraged him to be useless for some reason, so who was he to take action?

But internet strangers were far more charismatic than the bundle of feathers. Gathering up some odd bits and pieces left over from the days when their top adventurers had lived here, he constructed a crude fort. Bidoof managed to crawl inside it without destroying it and pretended to "SAVE AMERICA," as his fellow GPXgoers asked of him. The rodent had no idea what this "America" was or why it needed saving, but he wasn't one to disappoint members. He remained oblivious to the actions of his fellow captains.

By some unspoken consent, they decided to split up and leave. Wigglytuff's Ghost and the newcomer Tropius Captain Bananabeard were the first to go, flying off into the downpour. Dugtrio and Diglett disappeared into the ground, while Croagunk and Corphish sank out of sight into the sea. The musical duo Chimecho and Loudred departed to some obscure part of the island. Sunflora was just remarking on how depressing it was without the sun when Chicoritas when the fatal sounds echoed. Transfoooooorm!

Having used the Town Map, the Lumas located the cluster of captains with ease. Only by a stroke of luck had it occurred to the captains they'd be safer in groups. But they were on a roll, and they weren't going to let perfectly healthy Bomb Boos live.

Bidoof was ignorant to all of this, feeling safe in the confines of his fort. As screams pierced the air and explosions rang out, all that occurred to him was that it fit perfect with the thing he was imagining.

In his imagination, Batdoof stood atop a towering hat rack, surveying a kingdom in distress, as Kiwis ran from shoe to shoe as a villainous eight-legged turtle spider descended onto their homes.

He was pretty sure this was what "America" would look like.

As Sharpedo Bluff took the impact of Bomb Boos and broke away into the sea, Sunflora having been completely consumed by flames before the drizzle quenched the flames, Bidoof's fort began to shift and start sliding towards the open wall that had given the cliff it's name. It's surprising craftsmanship held as it plopped onto the waves, possibly being kept afloat by a struggling Corphish. But Bidoof ignored all this, knowing Batdoof must be ever-vigilante in his duties and not trouble himself with small details like drowning.

---

Octilleries disembarked from their airship, rather uncomfortable around the towering size of King Kaliente. They weren't exactly eager to raid this place, but anything was better than that colossal octopus and his unrelenting glare.

"Ugh, why couldn't we go with our own guys?" Octoombas shared King Kaliente's natural glare and were looking at the slackers with distaste.

"Wynaut!"

As the force mobilized, Octilleries came to a stop in front of a flamboyant business. Neon lights proclaimed it as Spinda's Café, with swirls in the letter where it didn't make sense. Large pictures of fruit were plastered on the glass, including some vegetables. Standing by the doorway was a small blue thing, with it's shadow visible despite the weather conditions. Behind it was a similar, but taller version.

"Why fight when you can buy smoothies?"

"And why shouldn't we kill you two on the spot, especially since you're enemy personal?"

"Wynaut!"

Troops were impressed with the smaller one's arguments, which was positively dripping with charismatic charm. There was murmuring among the battalion as Wynaut's message sank in. Eventually even the strict Octoombas were compelled to get out of this rain and into the cozy atmosphere of the café.

Wailin' Wailmers flew in the air above hesitantly, uncertain of their next move. They didn't want to risk killing hundreds of their own, so they compromised by bombing nearby buildings.

---

Spinda tumbled to the front lines of Treasure Town, having made his escape from the Gyarados. He gazed in awe of the Ludicolo's impressive movements, until he realized what he was supposed to be doing.

"You call that dancing? WATCH THIS!"

To the frustration of King Kaliente and Kingfin, the few competent leaders on the battlefield, they did. Troops were enraptured by Spinda's impressive form as he moved, leaving the Ludicolos envious, wishing they knew what he was on. To top it off, he spat out a seed into the air that erupted into blazing fireworks. Ludicolos wished that he was around when Miror B. was touring.

One Ludicolo turned to his brethren next to him, perhaps to say something being a subtle allusion to a web comic that has been a recurring reference within this fight, and freaked out at what he saw. Spinda must have somehow got him hooked on whatever he's got, because he saw a terrifying scene of racial equality as a cultural rainbow embraced the Mexican stereotypes.

"Feraligatr paying Ludicolos a wage? A Jynx and Gardevoir sitting on the same side of a bus? THIS IS WORSE THAN GROUND FOONGUS!" Ludicolos were starting to flip out left and right from the effects of Teeter Dance, amplified by the Dizzy Seed.

But Spinda hadn't thought his tactic through. As he turned on the spot, he saw Magikarp a few feet away, his Gyarados ability having been spent on innocent Pokemon. But Spinda had used up his reserve of tricks, and the fish wasn't about to just let the bear walk away.

With vicious fury, Magikarp brandished his weapon of choice. This finally got a reaction out of Spinda, as he gasped in horror at the savage butchery tool that had surely ended thousands of lives. For the first time in this war, he felt afraid as he beheld the cruel device.

"My Arceus.. He's got..."

It was an old wooden stick with string on the end of it. Oh, the horror of it all.

Magikarp cast the reel towards the frightened bear, pleased that his curious weapon got a raise out of him for some reason. Various types of hooks latched onto him, ensuring that he wouldn't escape this time.

He was about to deliver a vicious series of stick-poking when Kingfin made some sort of urgent sound. Magikarp looked up, annoyed.

The Ivy League finally made it to the center of Treasure Town, Francis prattling on about effort values while E. Gadd and Kolorado reluctantly struck down Pokemon, not knowing what half of these new-fangled creatures were.

"No, no, no! Alomomolas yield HP values! You've ruined your stats!" Francis was furious at their carelessness.

"These mole creatures?" Kolorado pointed at a Phanpy, ever poor at identifying species.

Magikarp wasn't about to take on three heroes on their terms. But Spinda wouldn't get out of a ruthless stick-jabbing.

"Onward, Maplefin!" He leap into Kyogre's mouth, the sea god getting tired of being his personal steed. The orca flew through the air, Spinda swaying precariously from the fishing line.

Kingfin was also angry at the insufferable fish, having gave him no warning to what he was about to do. He received a Meowbot to the ribcage as Kolorado suddenly shouted to Francis about harming a precious fossil.

"Look at the skeletal structure of that dolphin! Avoid explosives, lad. It would make an exquisite piece to my collection! I must remember to polish it's ribs every day."

Kolorado was weirding him out, so Kingfin hastily went to join Magikarp as the Koopa pleaded him not to go. The old archaeologist clung onto the living fossil.

With annoyance, Kingfin spat out an inconspicuous sack. With a few clumsy movements, he grasped it between his teeth and tore off the knot.

If the Ludicolos had been destructive, it was a breeze compared to what the simple sack contained. Hurricane force burst from it's opening. Kolorado was flung into the storm, as E. Gadd used the Poltergust to fight the pull. Francis was nowhere to be seen.

Kingfin was propelled into the air, barely holding on to the bag.

---

Chatot flew through the skies, looking for the enemy heroes. He would selflessly use himself as live bait to draw the foes towards his comrades. But it turned out to be unnecessary, as they were already trying to engage them in a fight.

Worked for him. It'd be back to the cozy Chatot Tent. But he shrieked in alarm when he got there.

"WHAT DID YOU GUYS DO TO MY PRECIOUS FACE?"

King Kaliente sat on the nearby Airship, watching as metal gears crawled all over the Chatot Tent towards the Lookout Tower. They tore the preciously woven fabric that had been made to resemble Chatot's vestige.

This was an outrage. They were ruining the days spent by hunger Weedles plastering his face over Wigglytuff's old mug. The octopus was even holding their Pokeball.

"GET YOUR FILTHY FLAGELLA OFF MY-" Chatot was about to verbally abuse the royal octopus when thousands of Octoombas turned, all glaring at the bird.

"ER, NEVERMIND, YOU CAN GO AHEAD AND KEEP- ARGH!" The crew of the Generic Airship fired a volley of acidic sludge. Even Chatot's speed couldn't dodge so much sewage. His feathers were seared right off.

Chatot tried to retaliate by stealing back their Pokeball, but Kaliente refused to let him get near, as a hailstorm of rocks and tentacles flung out to bar his path.

"THIS WAS A TERRIBLE IDEA!"

---

The soldiers of Treasure Town took advantage of their confusion to obtain the upper hand. Vulpixes added to the already disoriented force with their own Confusion attacks. Bones flew through the air as Cubones used Bonemerang against the stumbling charge of troops.

Crawling out of the river came Totodiles, who leap at the Ludicolos and Kinglers. They chomped down and whatever appendage that was pointed at them, causing a blue tinge to spread out through the victim's body. Slowly their color faded away as frost coated them. With a loud snap, the Totodiles would clamp down again and shatter frozen pokemon into dozens of icy shards.

Some of the Ludicolos pleaded for mercy after seeing dozens of their own fall, happily joining the Chatot Guild.

But despite their best efforts, they had tremendous difficulty beating back Tentacruels. The squids did not kill them straight away, however. That would have been too nice. Rather than choke them to death, they tossed Skitties through the air like Frisbees, tendrils prodding every inch and crevice of the unfortunate Pokemon. Those they got bored of were too ashamed to look at their comrades and quietly disappeared.

If Aquatic Anarchy hadn't been enough, Spiky Topmen and Octoombas approached from the other side of Treasure Town as Wailmers rained down onto buildings. They gave regretful wails as they collided with the ground and erupted into water, enough pressure to create gorges in solid rock. If only they could warn their families back home that the cages with Faygo were traps. But at least the magical elixir was worth the imminent ammunitions job.

---

Kyogre flew through the air as Kingfin shot past him. The skeletal menace reeled back as a sudden light flashed in front of him. He veered off course and crashed near the shore. Francis somehow kept pace with him, as obsessive as Kolorado was passioned.

Magikarp was ignorant of Kingfin's plight, and pulled Spinda up into Kyogre's mouth, who made a mental note to start carrying mouthwash around.

With pent up fury, the fish was finally able to poke Spinda with the wooden pole without mercy. Oh, the humanity.

Kyogre interrupted this pointless torment with a strangled sort of sound.

"What's the matter, Skitty got your tongue? Out with it." The orca compiled, and spat Magikarp out onto the shore.

"Alright wise guy, what's the issue?" He gestured towards Kingfin, who was being bombarded by Meowbots. Magikarp turned to Spinda in annoyance.

"You've lucked out, prisoner. I've got bigger fish to splash." With practiced motion, Magikarp cast out his fishing rod and flung Spinda into the sea.

---

Derpyotto soared through the turbulent winds, over the clashing factions hunting for those in need of his valor.

It took him little time to spy Spinda drifting on the waves, obviously in a dire need of help as the waves threatened to engulf him and plunge him into the abyss.

Spinda was not the only one in need of his assistance, as his keen eye beheld Bidoof on a makeshift raft of broken timbers. They would need not fear, for Derpyotto's divine intervention. Without fear, he plummeted from the sky to save his friends in need.

When Spinda heard a loud splashing sound, he turned in fear of there being an aquatic threat about to strike. But all he saw was a flash of feathers as Derpyotto sank like a stone. With a sigh, he dived to save his slow buddy. He set Derpyotto on top of Bidoof's fort and started swimming towards land.

---

[sineG yuG lareneG]

Part 3

The corpse of the DRAGIN still lain where Magikarp had struck it down. Dilated blood pooled around it as water steadily washed it away. A couple pancakes covered it's glossy eyes.

But there was to be no significance about it. It died for it's country, though nobody on the island had the faintest idea what a country was. Despite it's little relation to Pokemon, it fought bravely, albeit doing little but running away and trying an ineffectual tactic. But they knew him well. Or was it a she? Impossible to tell with dragons. And it was barely in the guild and had no means of communication. It did pretty much nothing but eat.

...Nothing to see here. This corpse will just continue being a corpse. Let's move on to someone slightly more interesting.

---

Croagunk crawled onto the rumble of Sharpedo Bluff. Corpses of Chicoritas and Phanpies littered the surrounding ocean. He paid them no mind; As long as his precious cauldron was safe, he didn't care for the fallen Pokemon. He outclassed all of them, remaining only for the marvelous device.

He could see the Generic Airship in the distance, barely distinguishable gears boarding it as a sea of metal rotated. But he didn't care about their visitors.

It took him only a minute to locate the Tiki Torches poking out of the rock. The others had neglected to move it. It lay in fragments after the crash. All that work they put into it was wasted. Despite it's condition, it wasn't entirely useless, though it would take considerable effort to restore it to it's former glory.

...This creep isn't much better. To the important people, then.

---

"ARCEUS friendshipING darnIT, SAVE ME YOU DEAD PUSSY!" Chatot was mildly surprised that the Ghost of Wigglytuff didn't censor the last bit.

"I'm not a cat, by the way." Wigglytuff might have interpreted his message differently.

"JUST friendshipING HELP ME!"

"But you're having so much with your new friends!" Chatot was hit by another shower of acid.

Knowing that this would be a pointless (and more importantly, fatal) endeavor, Chatot tried to fly for his life. But unfortunately for him, the Generic Airship pursued. He could not dodge the hailstorm of missiles being fired at him.

To his credit, Chatot made a tremendous effort to escape. But before he could Aerial Ace out of there, the Fighter Squadron made it's first contribution to the battle. With a blur of speed, it barred Chatot's path as he reeled back to avoid collision, still in full view of the Generic Airship.

And King Kaliente wasn't about to just leave this empty-handed.

They'd done enough fighting. It was time to pack up and leave the watery douchebags to their own devices.

Chatot was briefly relieved as they let up their barrage. But if they were stupid enough to leave their dreaded weapons around, then they were practically screaming for them to wield it. Kaliente was more than happy to oblige. With a hurl, a blue sphere flew from the ship.

The guild master knew the familiar feeling. Every Pokemon dread the day when a trainer would seek to enslave them. A few were enthusiastic about the captivity, in the vain hope that they would be put to a good home. The common Pokemon would wish that they would be pitied against far stronger opponents in vain battles. And the realists knew they'd spend the rest of eternity locked away in an infernal contraption as they endured endless suffering.

As much as he tried to fight it, they always managed to contain the poor soul, at least for a moment. The Winter Pokeball tugged at his very essence, confining him to the chilling core. With luck, he'd break free.

But Chatot was far from lucky. After their relentless attack on him, he was hardly in a state to fight free. There was a feeble struggle as Chatot fought against the bonds of capture, but he wasn't up to beating their own weapons. He heard the tool of slavery click with an air of finality, locking him in.

King Kaliente didn't realize it, but their artifact was high quality. Rather than keeping him inside like the mass produced version, the Winter Pokeball paralyzed them before sending them far from the battlefield, back to their home.

He watched the sphere start to fade, as Space Aristotle's Metaphysics began to lose it's influence. But they were done here.

Mission accomplished, they set out, away from these annoying creatures and back to the vacuum of space.

---

Bully Bros. were starting to lose ground as Aquatic Anarchy began to withdraw from Treasure Town. The citizens weren't sorry to see them leave. Ludicolos put their flab to use once more, as they created turbulent winds that broke their ranks and momentarily disrupted them.

Tentacruels took advantage of this break in formation to make good use of their beefy flagella. Bully Bros. and X-Nauts were thrown into the air, slimy tendrils prodding every inch of their carcass. This treatment brought back some disturbing memories to the Bullies with traumatic experiences. But it wouldn't last long, for without reliable support from the PhDs they were quickly slain by the thousands of opposing ubers.

Cyndaquils hid behind rumble, having accepted that they were utterly useless and sat around being depressing.

---

Spinda crawled onto shore. Derpyotto provided no assistance as he pecked furiously at a "horrible tome of unholy deities." Spinda was able to understand him better than basically everyone else. Bidoof was still in his weird state of imagination and remained oblivious to the world.

Kaliente wasn't the only one intending to leave with a high prize. Magikarp rose up in front of Spinda. He was furious at the wretched animal. First he just stared at him as he was on the verge of murdering him, then he tries to fight him with raining pancakes. Even after dragging him halfway across the battlefield, he was still a thorn in his gills. He wasn't about to let the bear walk away after the mockery of combat.

Magikarp pulled out another fishing rod from Kyogre's mouth, who was rather disgusted at the fact he stored it there. He pulled it back as far as his fins could allow, and cast a shiny bauble out to see. Without warning, a red blur shot from the waves where it landed

A sea serpent rose up in front of the trio of Chatot Guild's finest members, glowering at them with hatred. Rather than Magikarp's light shade of blue, this Gyarados was a deep shade of red.

"Have fun with my cousin here. See you around... Bits of you, anyways." Magikarp swam off to join the skeletal shark.

---

Magikarp dug deep into his mind, reaching into the reservoir of hate that lay deep inside him. For years, he was the joke of the seas, bullied by anything that looked his way. Trainers used him for nothing more than a joke. But they would be no humor in this fight. Just as before, he tapped into the repressed rage that had accumulated over the years.

But this time was different. Rather than elongating to a deep shade of blue, this new transformation wasn't natural. His form did not stretch out and blur, but visibly swelled before the two onlookers. Muscles rippled along his red body as he turned green. The resemblance to Gyarados was evident, but this time he was not powered by traditional Pokemon methods. He wanted for the fear that would be sure to follow.

In response, he heard nerdy enthusiasm as he was hit by a Pokemon based move, as Francis was dedicated to capturing images of what resembled the Loch Ness monster.

---

Light poured out to the streets as dizzy Ludicolos departed from Spinda's Cafe. They'd better be off, before they were left behind. Some mumbled a few words of thanks to Wynaut as they begrudgingly departed into the drizzle.

"I don't think we should stand here any longer." Wobbuffet decided to be the understandable of the two.

"Wynaut?"

"Because those flying whales look pretty mad."

Wailin' Wailmers finally got an opportunity to carry out their mission. They'd finally get outta here.

Mournful cries came from the Wailmers as they hurtled from the ships, prepared to destroy.

Wynaut sat down and slurped on a smoothie, no contrary opinion forthcoming. After all, he'd probably just luck out and get promoted to a reaper status when he died. He'd be fine.

Stumbling troops walked away from the building, unaware that it was being torn apart by strong currents. But the Chatot Guild certainly didn't miss the destruction.

Totodiles and Shinxes came out of hiding, murderous intent on each of their faces as they faced down the drunken enemies.

---

Spinda faced the Red Gyarados, which was far more menacing than the version employed by Magikarp. He knew that there'd be only one way out of this.

As his old leader would say, he flipped the friendship out.

He threw everything remaining in his arsenal at the monstrous Pokemon. As he danced a Metronome, the ground gaped open as a roasted turkey crawled out of the ground. The delicacy slapped the Red Gyarados in the face, before suddenly exploding into confetti. Colorful scraps of paper disappeared into the chasm as it closed back up, the Red Gyarados still as angry as before.

Time to teach him business, then. Spinda jumped up to him and gave him a Dizzy Punch to the face to establish desperation. It swayed on the spot, but from the malicious glare it was shooting Spinda is could see him quite clearly.

Yup, he was a goner.

---

Magikarp turned his attention to the struggling fossil. Kyogre was nearby, but flinched as a sudden burst of light blinded them, a few adorable mews resounding as Meowbots detonated against their sides. They struggled to find the source of the attack, but Francis was proving difficult to spot.

Fishbones were proving equally useless against the unseen assailant. While more capable of finding Francis, just as they thought they found their mark something slimy would shoot out and give them a disgusting lick, sending them veering off course to explode in a ditch. The quick-footed chameleon would again take advantage of his disorientating antics to conceal himself.

While he wasn't doing much damage, his ability to remain just out of sight as infuriating as the aquatic trio gazed around watching for his next move, Kingfin's searchlights probing the darkness for the freak.

---

Derpyotto turned, his well-honed intuition telling him something was amiss. His keen gaze beheld his helpless friend cowering before a towering beast. In that instance, he knew what must be done.

He let out a terrifying war car, interrupting the two combatants who were locked in a fierce struggle. With a great heave, he took to the air, holstering up the unholy grimoire.

Spinda was busy doing a final flip-out dance that would overcome Miror B. with envy, when Derpyotto made a horrible sounding screech. Red Gyarados took this opportunity to smack him with his mass, sending him flying.

Derpyotto eyed the new development with unease, sure that his friend would have been quickly slain if not for his brief assistance. But now was the time for righteous sacrifice. He let go of the heavy book that took the place of the Pokeball, and sent the evil hurtling towards the horror. But it did little to deter the raging creature.

Magikarp might be messed up in the head, but the Red Gyarados wasn't about to waste the little action he saw messing around with some equally stupid creature.

It opened up it's jaws to the maximum extent. Light appeared in it's maw, steadily increasing in strength. A sphere of light was visible that grew in size. No vigorous stick jabbing from him. He'd cut straight to the chase with the ultimate move.

Hyperbeam.

With one last inhalation, it fired the deadly attack with full force.

Derpyotto disappeared in a burst of light as Hyperbeam lit up the battlefield like fireworks. The brilliant light disappeared into the heavens. Creatures mulling around Star Haven would turn in wonder at the spectacle. X-Nauts on the moon would spare a moment to take in the radiant beam. The magnitude of the attack would be seen even those back at Buoy Base, awaiting the arrival of their important figures.

As the magnificent light faded from the universe, it heralded one simple message.

The greatest warrior to ever live was defeated.

Spinda gazed at the large crater created by the Red Gyarados. It had evaporated the nearby water, but it would not be long before the water began rushing to fill it in. The victim of the attack could be seen clearly at the center.

cdn.brawlinthefamily.keenspot.com/comics/2010-09-27-275-HyperBeam.jpg

---

E. Gadd landed gracefully on the shore. "Graceful" by his standards, anyways. He plummeted to the sand as Kolorado achingly caught up, though still full of good cheer.

"So I herd u liek hyperbeams..." Mudkip had popped up to intercept Spinda to help out the Red Gyarados. But the professors were a bit out of his league.

Kolorado stopped to examine the curious specimen, while E. Gadd hovered up to the Red Gyarados's level and sprayed his face with goop.

That was it. He was't gonna stick around and endure this sheer stupidity. Reptar's parties were way better than this idiot fest. Red Gyarados swallowed Bidoof and his makeshift fort whole, who remained happily ignorant of his surroundings. Mudkip latched onto his tail as he swam off into the horizon. The arriving heroes turned to the trio being hassled by the evasive Francis.

A Generic Airship hurtled overhead. Kingfin was getting tired of this stalemate. That douchebag could fend for himself. Following Red Gyarados's lead, he used Speed Boost to keep up with his air force as Magikarp and Kyogre were left to fend for themselves.

Magikarp eyed his opponents as Kyogre was hit by more Meowbots, pondering whether or not to flee with the rest of his forces that were now pouring into the sea away from them. E. Gadd made a swift movement in the air, but whatever attacked he had planned was being slowed down by rain as it dilated the substance that poured from his oversized paintbrush.

Before he could come to a decision, Kolorado bristled his fine 'stache. Magikarp was suddenly self-conscious of his own pathetic whiskers.